No Energy to Write
I have not really felt like writing lately and keeping up with social media. I get done teaching first graders, going to yoga, making dinner, tidying up, and I am tired. I have felt drained, and writing for an audience feels emotionally tiring at times. The worry of judgments can be exhausting. Bringing up things from my past, struggles with disordered eating, and trying to go against the grain of diet culture is not easy. I feel like I am on repeat at times and no one is listening.
Fear of Judgements
My last blog led some to believe and share their opinion that I should go back on anxiety/depression medicine. This has really effected my voice lately because of the fear of judgments that has come with it. The fear that people are judging all my words and decisions. What I choose to share in writings is only part of the story though. Anyone can have a few bad days or a little rough patch. We all have our struggles. It does not mean I need to go back on medicine. I am not saying medicine is a bad thing at all. I really believe it helped me through some tough times. However, I want to try this without medicine, and I think I am doing alright. If it comes to the point where I think I need it, I may try it again.
You Know Yourself Best
No one knows the whole story but me. I know myself better than anyone else. While people have the right to care about me, it is also my right to set boundaries and make my own decisions. Some people do not see the whole picture. I share snippets of my journey to help people who can relate. I might share a struggle to let people know they are not alone. I try to use this as a positive space even with the struggles.
My point of all of this I guess is just to reiterate that you know yourself best. You are the only one that knows the whole story. Try to be honest with yourself and your intentions.
I personally am going to work on keeping my voice even with the fear of judgement because it has been so important to my recovery and continued growth.