Anxiety Attack

mental health anxiety attack break down

Have you ever felt so anxious and you needed to cry, but you couldn’t get the chance… so you kept bottling it up and the anxiety continued to build until the emotions just exploded?

That was me the other day. The day started off with some challenges, and I was all flustered. It was one of those days where I was overanalyzing everything more than my usual amount of overanalyzing. I made it through the work day though.

I went to the dentist after school, and they started on my bridge. The dentist can be very triggering for me. I let a few tears roll out while I was there, and I could feel the panic arising and building. I could barely talk for fear of losing it and having a break down. I knew it was going to be a cry with trouble breathing and one that would be hard to stop so I fought to keep it contained.

As I paid, my hands were shaking. I just wanted to get to my car. When I walked out of the building, the tears started flooding down my face… hard to catch my breath. I made it to my car, and the wails came out. The gasping. I desperately tried thinking about different things and focusing on breathing. I was starting to wonder how I was going to get home. I thought I might have to call my husband to come get me.

Then I saw someone coming to their truck right beside me so I somehow pulled everything together. I drove home keeping most of the tears in successfully. A few rolled down my cheeks. 

Once I parked at home. Tears started streaming down my face again. It took me a while to come in so my husband came out to check on me. I grabbed my things with my head down and swiftly walked in the house. With shaking arms, I threw them all down not caring where they landed. I went upstairs with my husband following close behind me, and I collapsed on the bed in a little ball crying, tense, shaking, gasping for air, choking, sweating.

My husband just held me and talked me through it. I’m not sure how long it lasted, but it seemed like forever. I was hungry and had not had a chance to eat so I am sure that was part of it. Having a mood disorder and not having the nourishment you need is a bad combination. Those moments are hard. I know I am not the only one to experience this either, but sometimes it can feel like you are alone and weak. It can feel like you are a horrible person for breaking down.

So I write to say you are not alone, and you are not a horrible person. You have been trying to be strong for so long and sometimes, the stress of everything can just get to you. You are loved and you are strong. The people in your life who matter don’t think any less of you either. You are not broken, you just broke down. 

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Ashton Bennett
Hi! My name is Ashton. I am a wife, a first grade teacher, and a dog mom. I am striving to live a happy, healthy, and balanced life, and hopefully inspire you to do the same. I am a cross trainer and yogi. I try to push myself to step out of my comfort zone in many areas of my life to challenge myself to keep growing. My main goal is to stay mentally healthy. I want to emphasize working out to feel good and create a healthy lifestyle. The goal is not to change my body, but love myself no matter what.

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